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Adult Sized Womb (psycho-inutero therapy) 12X16 india ink and paper

Dr. Christopher Lampner’s Psychoinutero-therapy was developed when working for the Centers for Advanced and Expensive Science.  In it he theorized that all neurosis can be traced, not to childhood or adolescent experiences, but all the way back to the gestation period in the womb.

As a result of his theory he argued that the only effective therapeutic treatment was good classical psychotherapy performed with the patient inside an adult-sized womb.

 The adult sized womb is designed to completely mimic the real thing, a humid slimy environment in near total darkness.  A soundtrack of the muffled din from everyday life is played, as are the “oohs” and “ahhs” of unknown and unseen entities.

 

  • Dr. Lampner’s theory stated that all deep seeded fears stem from “the room in which we’re forged”:
  • Fear of the unknown, anxiety, and fear of the dark due to the fetus’s lack of light and information about what is happening.
  • Feelings of depression, negativity, and hopelessness from the fetus’s inability to escape.
  • Feelings of anger, from the depression and hopelessness.
  • Phobic avoidance of slimy and gruesome things, from the scummy foulness of the womb.
  • Unpleasant or disturbing thoughts due to the muffled voices heard during gestation (often not addressing the fetus directly).
  • Neuroses involving dependency.
  • Habitual fantasizing due to boredom.

 

More expensive forms of the therapy involve the fabrication of a giant clone of the patient’s mother's womb.  The added price, it has been argued, makes a statistically significant difference of 2.7% more effective than those who opt for a generic brand womb-therapy.    Although that number is out of the 3.3% of people who report results above what is expected allowing for the placebo effect and chance.

For those who think that Psycho-inutero therapy may help them, the company urges people first read their marketing materials before consulting their doctors.